Teen Mom, WCW, puppies, and more!

And like that my hiatus ends. Sorry for the delay, I’ve found myself on the pet owner bandwagon and bought myself a puppy and have been busy watching my carpet go to crap (literally), speaking in a high pitched voice (my dog responds positively to this and have friends that can vouch), having my belongings chewed on, and waking up at 6 am to watch a dog pee. The last part isn’t so much of a complaint because for the past 3 days I’ve had to go when I took him out so we used the same bush which makes me a father of the year candidate so all in all, I’m living the dream. I will say there is something liberating about going freely outside that women will never understand the same way as men. It’s a relief to know that we can stand and our only fear is a sudden face wind.  However, it’s no excuse to leave the blog hanging. I feel like I should cuddle the 8 of you and say “I’m sorry” and that “I’ll never leave again” and then take you out for ice cream while making corny jokes in the car ride to DQ hoping you’ll forgive me with promises of insulin rattling chocolaty goodness. That’s right, I’m treating you guys like a parent who sent their kid to their room for the first time and feels bad about it afterwards. Sound good? Wanna eat some chocolate chip ice cream? Some cherries on top? Maybe a soda to wash it down? Can you hear my voice tone rising? Dear God, it’s taken me over!

Let me just say having a little dog can only be referenced to the thing that I know best – Teen Mom. Having a puppy makes me feel like I’m on an episode of Teen Mom only I don’t have an Amber to go along with it. She was charming wasn’t she? Simply delightful. I kennel Big Bocephus (yup, was listening to a lil Hank Jr. and I came up with the name) during the day when I’m at hell work so I felt bad for the first few days until last Tuesday night when I watched Teen Mom 2. I then found out that it’s basically what Jenelle does with Jace so I felt a little relieved. I’m pretty sure she feeds him a few Ritz hourly so he’s good, right? Both the Teen Moms and my predicaments were spur of the moment and unplanned, we both struggle to make time for friends because we know that a massive dump is just around the corner, and our hips will never be the same. Ok, I might have just made that last one up. Is it just me or has this season turned into the biggest train wreck this side of Gigli? Ben Affleck anyone? No? Okay, moving on. The effect that season one had with high school kids wanting babies HAS to be evened out with high schoolers wanting nothing to do with members of the opposite sex thanks to Jenelle, Kailyn, and Chelsea this year. The most redeeming quality that can be said about Jenelle is that at the very least, she’s not Chris Benoit…yet. I’m not going to lie to you, I typed that joke about 2 or 3 different ways and thought it was funny/became embarrassed about it every which way I posed it. Momma Bear does read the blog and I know what you’re thinking – “your mom is going to be disappointed in you when she reads that joke” and I say N-O. If you know anything about my family, you know that we were raised to love us some WCW. Chad and I weren’t the only ones that screamed at the top of our lungs when Benoit locked in the Crippler Crossface. Truth being told, mom was a true Jericholic and would have given her left mammary to be put in the Liontamer. And right there is where mom would be disappointed in me – sorry mom, at least I thought it was funny at the time. I’ll never forget the time my mom took us to a Monday Nitro at Kemper Arena when I was in 8th grade. Not only did I make national TV with a sign I made showing support for my main man Bret, (fast forward to 2:09 in the video and that’s me) we witnessed the return of Kevin Nash and Scott Hall (walked right down our aisle, thank you very much), and I bought a Revolution t-shirt (which consisted of Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and Chris Benoit) minutes before they broke up in the ring. That night I vowed to my 13 year old self that I would never buy another wrestling t-shirt again…until Mr. Kennedy debuted because he had my last name and had a sweet gimmick of screaming our name into the mic…and then again when he got busted for steroids and his stuff went on sale – 90% off! You can’t pass up a deal that good. Did I mention that the last two were in my early twenties? Can’t decide if that’s something I should be sharing out loud but it happened, so there it is.

So let’s just get this straight, I equated having a child at 16 to raising a dog at 26, made a joke about Ben Affleck, and talked for 10 minutes about wrestling? Yup, that sounds like a blog post to me. And if you didn’t like it, maybe you’ll enjoy this? No? Well…damn.

Either way, If you’re still reading this after the grammatical errors, the nonsensical tangents, poorly worded jokes, sophomoric humor, and pop culture references then you deserve a medal…or a t-shirt. Hey! By the way, T-Shirts are right around the corner – no farce! We at Sometimes I Talk Out Loud truly appreciate the support. Come hell, high water, puppy bite marks, and citations for public urination we’re back to weekly updates and I won’t be using the ice cream apology any more.

Your Favorite,
Cody