Hiatus Shmiatus and Creepy Basements

So...I know it's been a year and I know I've already taken a hiatus away from writing but it seems I've found my way back. I think technically anything over a month or two is a sabbatical so maybe I took one of those, or two consecutive sabbaticals,in which case could enter me into a sabbatical contest. Nevertheless, I wound up looking back at old blog posts and decided to give it a go so I wrote on a piece of notebook paper like a hipster. I wound up writing random thoughts for three pages and it seems that at my ripe old age of 27, I still have a few creative juices flowing through my veins. In all honesty, I heard NFG's version of Iris and I felt like a I had some cathartic experience or something...like a hipster... playing James Taylor records in their basement. Wait, do hipsters have basements? Maybe they just believe in slab homes or storm shelters. I feel terrible, I should have researched that before typing it. Now that I'm thinking about it, screw it, I think hipsters would probably have unfinished basements with shelving along the walls where they store dusty books, old trombones, and things covered in sheets like the scene in The Zodiac. You can't watch that clip and tell me that doesn't look like what a hipsters basement should look like, right? So it's settled - hipsters have either storm shelters, creepy basements, or slab homes.

 I also think that anytime you go to someones house, they should disclose if they have a creepy basement upfront so that you don't discover it later and wind up thinking to yourself "yup, this is where it all ends. Right here in this creepy dungeon basement". Say for instance, you go over to a new friend's house for the first time, they invite you in, offers to take your coat. Right then it should be disclosed "So this is the foyer, oh, can I grab your coat? London Fog, huh? Classic coat my friend. Right in here we're in the process of sprucing up our dining room and oh, you see that doorway over there? Yup, we've got a creepy basement. Thought about finishing it but, nah, it's a sweet looking cathartic type place, ya know?" It just seems much more honest and forthcoming rather than finding out later while you're in the bottom of a well while your new friend is throwing lotion at you and telling you to 'it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again'. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe being upfront about a creepy basement will cost you friends and they'll think that you're Buffalo Bill and about to make a coat out of your skin. Moral of the story and two key rules for life - don't be a hipster and finish your damn basement.

Rules you say? Well, as long as I'm ripping off the idea of me coming back from hiatus only to come back from another hiatus (I know, I'm ashamed. I got busy, got lazy, got a dog, and got a girlfriend so blogging had to be pushed aside), I might as well rip off a post from my facebook page with my 20 Rules of Life:

 1. Never trust a good looking man with a mustache
2. Never believe a man with a pinky ring
3. Never trust a man with a first name that doubles as a city or with a name that rhymes with 'snake'
4. Always believe a one legged man for directions - he'll know the shortest route. Only trust a man with missing teeth on his recommendations for taffy - nothing else
5. Never side with someone who has daddy issues
6. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated
7. Women with shoulder tattoos are not marriage material and are prone to trouble
8. You can always tell the quality of a restaurant by the quality and presentation of their bacon
9. A chef salad should have a proper ham to lettuce ratio. It should be a similar to a sandwich without bread
10. The drive thru attendant at Long John Silvers is not a reliable individual under any circumstance
11. Own nice clothes so you don't have to borrow. You never want another man to fart in your pants
12. Be nice to servers - don't mess with people who mess with your food.
13. Try to better understand others' points of views, you'll understand others better
14. Don't be a quitter. Quitters are douche bags. Liars are worse than quitters, don't be a liar. If you are both, well sir, then you're an ass wipe
15. Having more money doesn't make you more important.
16. Always carry gum, everybody likes the person who gives them a stick of gum.
17. There is never a time for naked lunges or nude water fountain trips. Just because you are in a locker room, does not allow you to skirt this rule.
18. Only two types of people wear sunglasses indoors - blind/albino people and assholes. No exceptions
19. Keep your family and friends close throughout life. They need you as much as you need them.
20. Be respectful, always be honest, be courteous, be empathetic, and be real. The more real you are, the more unreal your life will be

 

And with that, I'm back. As frequent as I can be with random topics as I may. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I still am busy, still am lazy, still have the dog, and still got THE girl if ya know what I'm saying and I think you do. Life is good .

 

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Cody